The Feeling of Failure
by KyaChann
Summary: His eyes felt so heavy, he didn't even try to open them. A water drop met his face, and a few seconds later another, and so he looked at the sky, watching the rain fall. "How many you killed and failed to protect?..." At instants he was watching the rain and now there he was, surround by blood, corpses and darkness. "It's all your fault." Gintoki x OC


Heavy...

His eyes felt so heavy, he didn't even try to open them. Not because he was too lazy to even try it, no. He just thought it would be a waste of energy, therefore he left them closed.

The cool breeze embraced his body softly, making Gintoki slightly shiver.

Move or not move?

He wondered but shove it away, he was too lazy to mo- No! It wasn't like he was too lazy to move! He just wanted to conserve energy, yeah that was it! So he decided to not move, regardless the cold.

A water drop met his face, and a few seconds later another. Finally opening his eyes, he looked at the sky, watching the rain fall.

"Hum…" Gintoki scratched his head, yawning. "Why did it have to rain?" The guy groaned, and got up. Seeing that the rain wouldn't stop for a while, he decided to go inside. "Here I was enjoying my nap, and the sky decides to screw me… NICE JOB SKY!"

"AHAHAHAHAH! Done with your 'lazy time' Kintoki?" Sakamoto said, at the exact moment the silver perm placed his foot inside.

A vein popped out in the perm's forehead. "IT'S GINTOKI! GIN NOT KIN! JUST MEMORIZE THIS ALREADY DAMN IT!" He shouted, pointing at Sakamoto. Sometimes Gin would think this was plainly hopeless, no matter how many times he would tell him! Sakamoto would always call him Kintoki instead of his name! Even so! "And I just wanted to conserve energy, that's why I didn't want to move! You need to be ready to fight at any time! Got it memorized?"

"Bullshit." Takasugi simply uttered. Conserving energy? Yeah right, that perm was but a lazy ass, no point in hiding it.

"SHUT UP!" Gintoki groaned looking at the purple haired guy that was distracted with his sword. "LIKE YOU KNOW SHIT SHRIMP!"

Takasugi lift his eyes, peering at the man who just insulted his height. "So clever, calling others shrimp, when your screwdriver is smaller than anyone else's here." The purple haired male shrugged.

Wait!

Did Takasugi just…

FUCKER!

"Oi, oi, let's call down." Katsura said looking at the two males glaring daggers at each other.

"AHAHAHAH let them do this Zura!-"

"IT'S NOT ZURA! IT'S KATSURA!"

"-It's always good to express how much you like your friend AHAHAHAHAHA."

Hearing this Gintoki and Takasugi stopped. Looking at each other, they tried to process what Sakamoto just said. Like each other? "AS IF!"

"_If only nothing would change…"_

"Hum?" Gintoki retorted, thinking he listened something.

"GINTOKI!" Katsura shouted, quickly blocking the sword that was coming right into the silver samurai. "OPEN YOUR EYES!"

Gintoki stared at man that just saved his life in surprised. Shaking his head, he forced himself to start fighting as well. It was odd, he could swear a few minutes ago he was arguing against Takasugi, and now there he was, in the battlefield, cutting Amantos down.

He slashed, killed, swung his sword in a scarlet dance. Enemies' blood dripping off his face. At the metal taste in his mouth he frowned, he always hated the sensation of his enemies' blood in his mouth, nevertheless he wouldn't allow this to unsettle him.

"_How many you killed and failed to protect?..."_

Gintoki quickly turned, trying to find the source of this annoying, yet familiar voice. Only Kagura and Shinpachi were next to him, blinking at the awkward look the silver was sending them.

"Ahm… Did any of you say something?"

The teens shared confuse looks. Turning their heads back to Gintoki, they shook their heads.

But if they didn't say anything, then who did? Was he finally going mad? No, no that, he was sure someone said something.

Scratching his head he let out a frustrating sigh, wondering.

"Oi, you guys are-" He turned around. His eyes widened with what just happened "-gone"

Weren't Kagura and Shinpachi there just a few seconds ago? How come they just disappeared like this?

In. Thin. Air!

Gintoki shook his head in confusion, allowing his fingers to rest on his temples for a brief moment. This was too much, even he was confused, but no matter how much he thought about this he couldn't find any explanation to what was happening.

The male sighed and decided to go to Otose's bar, maybe Shinpachi and Kagura were there! So he got up. Walking to the door, he noticed something was odd – everything was far too quiet. Gintoki tried to shove it aside, just to find out he couldn't at the very moment he opened the door.

Blood.

Darkness.

Corpses.

These were the only thing he was able to see, the only thing that was there with him. The putrefied smell of rotten bodies invaded his nose, making him want to puke. He got used to this smell during the war, but after that he hoped he wouldn't feel it anymore.

The silver haired male forced himself to move. The memories of being surrounded only by corpses flashed in his mind. He wondered what would happen to him if Shoyou-sensei didn't find him.

"_I wonder too…"_ Someone mumbled in a light tone. "What would happen to us."

Gintoki immediately turned around ready to strike if needed. The male in front of him, however, didn't move.

"What are you doing here?" The silver groaned in a threatening hiss.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Gintoki almost let out a bitter laugh. Well, now this was almost ironic. "Because you're me."

With a smirk the male dashed towards Gintoki, prepared to stab him mercilessly. Gintoki quickly grabbed his own sword swinging it in the direction of the attacker but at the last second he stopped.

"Now… you're able to attack yourself, but not me~" The red head grinned. "Ne~ Gin-chan."

Gintoki blinked in confusion, so first he was fighting against Takasugi – kind off – then he was in the battlefield, after a while in Yorozuya, then in this fucked up place full of corpses, his own self appeared right before him and even tried to attack him! And when he was about to take down his other self, Kyara was the one in front of him. He groaned in pure frustration.

"What are you do-" Blood fell down her mouth. His eyes went wide, the girl just forced herself against his sword, stabbing herself.

Forcing herself to move forwards, she approached her mouth close to his ear. "It's all your fault."

He looked at her lost in thoughts. His hands were so numb that he unwillingly released his sword, falling on his knees. At this the female knelt down in front of him, while humming in a cheerful tone with the sword hanging on her stomach. Gintoki clenched his teeth, after having his head suddenly being forced to look up by her tight grasp on his curly hair.

"Oiiii Gin-chan~, why are your eyes closed~"

"Maybe because you're grabbing my hair"

"Ohhhhhh…" At this, the female pulled even harder, resulting in the male groaning. "Why don't you-" The sound of dripping blood was heard. "Open your eyes~"

The male forced his eyes open to notice that a hanging head was now in her other hand, dandling in front of his very eyes. Gintoki stared at the head paralyzed, Shoyou-sensei's long hair was completely soaked in blood, his so known peaceful smile still there, driving Gintoki insane. He wanted to scream and so filled in despair, he lifted his hands to his head, grabbing his hair in an attempt to calm himself.

The girl immediately stood up, pulling the sword out, not caring at all about the pain she was feeling and raised her head up losing it. A sharp, maniac laugh came out from her lungs, her eyes wide open as her hands covered in blood were now dirtying her face.

Gintoki stared at the girl feeling lost, was that Kyara? Okay, yeah she sure was insane sometimes, but just to an 'Okita' level, after all they were siblings.

Now this? He wanted to refuse this, forcing himself to deny that female wasn't her, the girl that was always pouting and welcoming him with a warm smile. The girl that would reach for his hand during night refusing to admit she was afraid to sleep alone. The idiot girl that would tease him and make his life a living hell. No, this couldn't be her, it could not be and yet there she was, in front of him scratching her skin, trying to rip it off, while laughing.

Gintoki stood up and walked to her, his trembling hands grabbing her wrists in a pathetic attempt to make her stop. The skin around her eyes was torn, completely ripped but there was no blood. Instead a pair of red eyes stared at him, it was like someone just ripped off a mask.

"Why did you leave them behind?" Hands wrapped around Gin's neck, choking him. "You're worth nothing, just die!"

As the maniac laugh came and Gin started to feel numb, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't move. The hands released him, letting him fall in a pool of blood. The silver sat up coughing, a sharp pain invading his tummy, cutting it open. Hands started to come out, making the male panic, trying desperately closing it up.

"Come with us…"

The male gulped, recognizing the voices he looked down at his own opened tummy to see the owners of that plea.

He froze… Staring at Kagura's and Shinpachi's painfully dead stares.

* * *

Breathing in a fast pace the male woke up in a jump, the white ceiling being the only thing in front of his eyes, what actually calmed him down a bit. Gintoki allowed himself to keep staring at his welcoming ceiling, while trying to get his thoughts in place, all that nightmare was way too realistic for him.

With the sound of a groan, Gintoki turned his head to his left, watching the red haired girl peacefully sleeping. A small smile slowly appeared on Gin's lips, so lifting his hand he reached for the female's face.

"_It's all your fault."_

His eyes widened and his hand quickly retracted, before touching Kyara's face. This was stupid, it was only a nightmare, yet Gintoki felt just like hopeless a little kid, he didn't even have the courage to touch the girl, even looking at her now was creeping him out.

"Gin?" She asked, startling him.

"Y-you're wake?"

"Noooo~ I'm sleep talking~"

"No irony allowed!" The male shouted, just to receive a chuckle in response.

How could she!?

"You had a nightmare…"

"How do yo-"

Placing a finger in his lips, she silenced him. She started to look at him in a weird way, much like she was analyzing him. Gin looked back at her in this very oddly way of his.

What was she trying to do? Hopefully nothing crazy like what she did in the nightmare…

Please, oh please!

Nothing scary! That nightmare alone was enough for him.

The female entwined her legs in his as she jumped on him, to conveniently end on top of him. Gintoki felt the heat raising up in a quick pace. Was she going to rape him? Seriously!? If she was, why couldn't he dream about this instead!?

Blushing madly the male ended up on top of the girl, after a twist made by her. Her hand was softly placed on his back, while the other was playing with his hair, usually he would start screaming at her to let go of his hair, but not now. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was feeling comfortable enough to let it slide.

Only this time though.

The female started humming a melody, making his tensed muscles relax on her touch and voice.

_(I set my sail  
fly the wind it will take me  
back to my home, sweet home)_

"_Lie on my back  
clouds are making way for me  
I'm coming home, sweet home__" _

The moment Gin heard this, he immediately recognized the song.

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause"_

_(I see your star you left it burning for me)_

"_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

Yap, there's no mistake. He was right. He knew this song, pretty well actually.

"_I dig my hole you build a wall"_

_(Eyes open wide)_

_I dig my hole you build a wall_

_(feel your heart and it's glowing)_

_One day that wall is gonna fall"_

_(I'm welcome home, sweet home)_

Let's say that after hearing this song for so many times – almost everytime the girl felt sad, or for the simple reason she would sing it because she felt like it – Gin could even sing it backwards, if he wanted to.

"_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(I take your hand)_

_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(now you'll never be lonely)_

_One day your bird is gonna fly"_

_(not when I'm home, sweet home)_

But seriously, singing this?… Of all the choices in this world… At this time!? Really!?

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause_

_(I see your star, you left it burning for me)_

_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

"So more relaxed?" The girl asked few seconds after finishing her lullaby.

"Is this a joke? Do you really still use the theme song of B*stion as a lullaby? The-" The male immediately grabbed his abused head. The stupid woman just punched him! "THAT HURTED BITCH!"

"Hmpt! SERVES YOU RIGHT! NEXT TIME YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES WITH STRAWBERRY MILK BEING PROHIBITED OR KETSUNO ANA BEING CANCELLED I'LL LAUGH INSTEAD OF TRYING TO HELP YOU! AH! AH! AHAHAH!"

"SHUT UP!"

_Lyrics by Darren Korb  
Vocals: Ashley Barrett and Darren Korb_

* * *

**A/N: **Hummmm so sleepy~ So, I corrected this the best I managed to. Of course, it may still have mistakes, sorry about that.

COPY PASTE OF THE COPY PASTE TIME! - Okay, so I was listening to Bastion's End Theme, and so I thought 'Hey... this would make a great oneshot for Sasuke'. And it would! Until Gintoki (Gintama) and Kanda (D. Gray Man) just popped up in my head. So, I somehow (well pretty much because I'm stupid *smiley face*) ended up creating a little 'project' and writing an oneshot for the three of them... Yeah I'm pretty retarded I know.

So this little 'project' of mine is about their fears, therefore the nightmares. And why nightmares? You ask (or not), although we're never free from not fear something, we can always fight our fears and overcome them. What's nice. Really. But unfortunately we can never run away from a nightmare (only when we wake up and sometimes it take lots to do so...). And one thing's for sure: Nightmares are always freaking scary! They're basically a reflex of our fears, concerns, insecurities and mainly the things we try to forget but are stuck in our unconscious.

So basically as much as we can try fighting against it, we can never run away from nightmares. (You know... This looks lazy yeah, but this oneshot is part of the exact same project so why not just copying the beginning I mean... I'm tired after 3 hours, and yeah I damn lazy to think about another explanation.)

NEW - I'm tired so I'm going to try to keep this one short... So, this is the last one! Finally~ And as I did on Sasuke and Kanda I pretty much tried to imagine what would freak Gintoki out, you know... I tried to see everything by his eyes, what was kinda fucked up since Gin's personality is way different from Kanda and Sasuke's ones. I mean damn those two are stoic as hell while Gin is the biggest troll I've ever had the pleasure to watch in an anime. And after like 5 minutes - a true madness as you can see - I reached the conclusion it would be something like not being able to protect his friends, or we can also say his family.

Gintoki, at episode… 13? Yeah 13, has this peculiar nightmare where he's trying to save the life of a man, by carrying him on his back. Suddenly, a corpse starts to confront him, saying for him to let go of the man he was carrying, because Gintoki was unable to protect anyone and even asked him if he had anything to protect, since he always only slayed his enemies down not carrying at all with what was around him. Gintoki keeps on walking, ignoring the corpse in the ground that was confronting him before, to focus only in saving the man on his back. He wakes up after the man he was trying to save asks him if he has anything to protect, so I basically see this as a fear Gintoki has.

He was unable to protect Shouyou-sensei, he was found alone - either he lost his family or he was abandoned - many of his comrades died in the war, and well we can see his reactions when someone he loves is almost killed or gets in danger.

Yeah, it's true this lazy bastard acts like a kid, and especially like he doesn't care about anyone but his own tummy (give this guy candy and he'll be happy) and yet! For many times he proves he actually does care, from saving his friends, to save people that need help that he may or not know, to almost die just to protect the ones he loves, or simply the ones in need.

Soooooooooo~ Basically the male does anything he can to protect the ones he love and his candies. Hope you liked it!


End file.
